Vernon Cornsley
Vernon is an 80-year-old resident of Shady Pines. Personality Vernon is just a confused old man. He's quick to forgive people who have wronged him, but gets bamboozled if his friends turn against him. He likes corn. He's very passionate about things he supports. He was a proud voter of FEJG and frequently protests against the ban on polygamous marriage. Once an innocent soul, he has discovered the power of Piss Ass. He shuns those who do not worship his name. He does not care if he goes to hell. It's just Piss Ass now. Backstory Vernon wasn't born. He just spawned. From birth, he was completely independent. As a baby, he breast fed himself. Despite this, he wasn't lonely. He made lots of friends as a kid, as people admired him for his independence. All the attention made him a very outgoing boy. At college, he majored in corn, and got a job as a corn harvester for a year. He often gave out corn to his friends. When he was 21, he was accepted into the army, to fight a world war against the Santans. He met some Japanese guy named Nobuyuki during the war and they quickly became best friends for an eternity. Time in Shady Pines Fast forward to November of 2018. Vernon received an invitation to Shady Pines Nursing Home. This was where it all started. He was adopted by Egbert and Gladys. From his very arrival, Ed had plans to kill Vernon. He had no idea why Ed would do such a thing, as he barely knew the guy. He adopted a son named Matt, who later died of cosofombia. Vernon was heartbroken. One day, however, his broken heart was patched up by a lady named Bessie. They were happily married for some time, until she too died of cosofombia. Vernon was forced to emancipate, as Darbo needed more babbies. Temporarily under the care of Darbo, he met a woman named Fay. They grew attached to each other and married, adopting a secretly demonic child named Josephine later on. Josephine died of cosofombia, but neither of them cared because she revealed her satanic ways before she died. Tragically, Vernon overdosed on corn a few weeks into his marriage, and slipped into a food coma. Fay, believing that he was gone with the lord, had started dating Edith. He was upset to see that his wife had left him, but he understood why. Fay and Edith decided that the three would all get married together. Unfortunately, the law did not permit polygamy, so Vernon had to be their unofficial husband. After incest was legalized and Darbo finally was with Santan in hell, Egbert adopted Vernon once more. Some time in mid 2019, his old pal Nobuyuki joined the nursing home and was adopted by Egbert, making them brothers. However, his name wasn't valid in Shady Pines Nursing Home's name system, so he had to go by "James". After Vernon bought the Hacker pass in early September, he renamed his brother Nobuyuki. Formerly a Christian, Vernon discovered the cult of Piss Ass. He needed God no more. His heart, soul and kidneys were sold to Piss Ass. On the 8th of September, Vernon has given birth to 17 Piss Babies named Benny Jr, Poopy, Poop Ass, Fay Jr, Edith Jr, Leon, Peepee, Flora, Dinner, Chlamydia, Robocop, Ikea, Audio Science, Facebook, Penis, Jesus and Syphilis. On the 21st of October, Vernon has conceived 69 Tiddy Milk Babies. Nobuyuki was named Pee Pee Poo Poo after a mysterious spell. Relationships Fay - Spouse,,.. Edith - Wif,,.. Penelope - Vernon has mixed feelings about Penelope. He fears her, and is disappointed when she attacks Fay, but he still loves her. Ed - Vernon has a new respect for Ed and kinda forgot how many times he's tried to kill him. Yoda - He likes the little green man. Benny - Former coworkers at Pepsi. Vernon quite likes him. He disapproves of his association with WaTeR B, but sees him as a friend nonetheless. After being squirted with his Tiddy Milk, Vernon has become pregnant. Walter - Feels betrayed by him. Faith - Respect. Admires their building skills. Vincent - They frequently team up to destroy the millennials. Egbert - His father. Vernon looks up to him. They recently got married. Gladys - His mother. They frequently worked together during wars. Pee Pee - Best friends. Liz - Lots of respect Otto - fe,a..,r Category:Residents